SEX ADDICTION

Couples Sex Addiction Specialist

Please continue reading below to learn how I may be of assistance to you; then contact me at (818) 859-6766 or use my Contact Form.

What is Sex Addiction?

Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one's work environment.

Sexual addiction has been called sexual dependency and sexual compulsivity. By any name, it is a compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict's life. Sexual addicts make sex a priority more important than family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the organizing principle of addict's lives. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior.

Dr. Patrick Carnes estimates three to six percent of the population are facing sexual addiction. It remains unclear whether one gender has a higher incidence of sexual addiction than the other. Research by Dr. Carnes shows that approximately 20 - 25% of all patients who seek help for sexual dependency are women. (This same male-female ratio is found among those recovering from alcohol addiction, drug addiction, and pathological gambling.)

Why don't sex addictions just stop their destructive behavior?

Sexual addicts feel tremendous guilt and shame about their out-of-control behavior, and they live in constant fear of discovery. Yet addicts will often act out sexually in an attempt to block out the very pain of their addiction. 

This is part of what drives the addictive cycle. Like other forms of addiction, sex addicts are out of control and unable to stop their behaviors despite their self-destructive nature and potentially devastating consequences.

Key to understanding loss of control in addicts is the concept of the “hijacked brain.” Addicts essentially have rewired their brains so that they do behaviors (drinking, drug use, eating, gambling, and sex) even when they are intending to do something quite different. The triggers to these maladaptive responses are usually stress, emotional pain, or specific childhood scenarios of sexual abuse or sexual trauma. Breakthrough science in examining brain function is helping us to understand the biology of this disease.

What defines a sex addict?

No single behavior pattern defines sexual addiction. These behaviors, when they have taken control of addicts' lives and become unmanageable, include: 
  • Compulsive masturbation
  • Compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships
  • Pornography
  • Prostitution
  • Exhibitionism
  • Voyeurism
  • Indecent phone calls
  • Child molesting
  • Incest
  • Rape and 
  • Violence
Even the healthiest forms of human sexual expression can turn into self-defeating behaviors. While an actual diagnosis for sexual addiction should be carried out by a mental health professional, the following behavior patterns can indicate the presence of sexual addiction. Individuals who see any of these patterns in their own life, or in the life of someone they care about, should seek professional help.
  1. Acting out: a pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior. Examples may include:

    .  C    ompulsive masturbation
    .  Indulging in pornography
    .  Having chronic affairs
    .  Exhibitionism
    .  Dangerous sexual practices
    .  Prostitution
    .  Anonymous sex
    .  Compulsive sexual episodes
    .  Voyeurism

  2. Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences. In Patrick Carnes’ book, Don’t Call It Love, 1991, some of the losses reported by sex addicts include:

    .  Loss of partner or spouse (40%)
    .  Severe marital or relationship problems (70%)
    .  Loss of career opportunities (27%)
    .  Unwanted pregnancies (40%)
    .  Abortions (36%)
    .  Suicide obsession (72%)
    .  Suicide attempts (17%)
    .  Exposure to AIDS and venereal disease (68%)
    .  Legal risks from nuisance offenses to rape (58%)

  3. Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior. 

    Even understanding that the consequences of their actions will be painful or have dire consequences does not stop addicts from acting out. They often seem to have a willfulness about their actions, and an attitude that says, "I'll deal with the consequences when they come."

  4. Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior.

    Addicts often try to control their behavior by creating external barriers to it. For example, some move to a new neighborhood or city, hoping that a new environment removed from old affairs will help. Some think marriage will keep them from acting out. An exhibitionist may buy a car in which it's difficult to act out while driving. Others seeking control over their behavior try to immerse themselves in religion, only to find out that, while religious compulsion may soothe their shame, it does not end their acting out. Many go through periods of sexual anorexia during which they allow themselves no sexual expression at all. Such efforts, however, only fuel the addiction.

  5. Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy.

    Though acting out sexually can temporarily relieve addicts' anxieties, they still find themselves spending inordinate amounts of time in obsession and fantasy. By fantasizing, the addict can maintain an almost constant level of arousal. Together with obsessing, the two behaviors can create a kind of analgesic "fix." Just as our bodies generate endorphins, natural anti-depressants, during vigorous exercise, our bodies naturally release peptides when sexually aroused. The molecular construction of these peptides parallels that of opiates like heroin or morphine, but is many times more powerful.

  6. Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficiently satisfying.

    Sexual addiction is often progressive. While addicts may be able to control themselves for a time, inevitably their addictive behaviors will return and quickly escalate to previous levels and beyond. Some addicts begin adding additional acting out behaviors. Usually addicts will have three or more behaviors which play a key role in their addiction—masturbation, affairs, and anonymous sex, for instance. In addition, 89% of addicts reported regularly "bingeing" to the point of emotional exhaustion. The emotional pain of withdrawal for sexual addicts can parallel the physical pain experienced by those withdrawing from opiate addiction.

  7. Severe mood changes related to sexual activity.

    Addicts experience intense mood shifts, often due to the despair and shame of having unwanted sex. Sexual addicts are caught in a crushing cycle of shame-driven and shame-creating behavior. While shame drives the sexual addicts' actions, it also becomes the unwanted consequence of a few moments of euphoric escape into sex.

  8. Inordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual, and recovering from sexual experiences.

    Two sets of activities organize sexual addicts' days. One involves obsessing about sex, time devoted to initiating sex, and actually being sexual. The second involves time spent dealing with the consequences of their acting out: lying, covering up, shortages of money, problems with their spouse, trouble at work, neglected children, and so on.

  9. Neglect of important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior.

    As more and more of addicts' energy becomes focused on relationships which have sexual potential, other relationships and activities—family, friends, work, talents and values—suffer and atrophy from neglect. Long-term relationships are stormy and often unsuccessful. Because of sexual over-extension and intimacy avoidance, short-term relationships become the norm. Sometimes, however, the desire to preserve an important long-term relationship with spouse or children, for instance, can act as the catalyst for addicts to admit their problem and seek help.

Am I a sex addict?

If you think you may have a sexual addiction problem, read this list and see if you identify with any of these Symptoms:
  1. Are you frequently engaging in more sex with more partners than intended?

  2. Do you feel preoccupied with or persistently crave sex; wanting to cut down and unsuccessfully attempting to limit sexual activity?

  3. Do you think of sex to the detriment of other activities or continually engaging in excessive sexual practices despite a desire to stop?

  4. Do you spend considerable time in activities related to sex, such as cruising for partners or spending hours online visiting pornographic web sites?

  5. Have you been neglecting obligations such as work, school or your family in pursuit of sex?

  6. Do you continually engaged in the sexual behavior despite negative consequences, such as broken relationships or potential health risks?

  7. Do you have an escalating scope or frequency of sexual activity to achieve the desired effect, such as more frequent visits to prostitutes or more sex partners; more online pornography, or masturbation?

  8. Do you feel irritable when unable to engage in the desired behavior?

  9. Do you have a sense that you have lost control over whether or not you engage in specific out of control sexual behavior?

  10. Are you experiencing significant consequences because of your specific out of control sexual behavior?

  11. Do you feel like you are constantly thinking about your specific out of control sexual behavior, even when you don’t want to?
These are some of the hallmarks that help to define the boundaries of sexual addiction and compulsivity. 

The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” In other words, a sex addict will continue to engage in certain sexual behaviors despite facing potential health risks, financial problems, shattered relationships or even arrest. 

Assessment: The Institute For Couples Counseling, Karen Greenhouse, Ph.D., MFT, CSAT, a Certified Sex Addiction Couples Therapist, treats Couples dealing with Sex Addiction. Karen Greenhouse, PhD (c), utilizes the well-known Sexual Dependency Index developed by Dr. Patrick Carnes, from The International Institute For Trauma Professionals, to assess Individuals for Sexual Addiction.

Criteria for a Sex Addiction Diagnosis

How do professionals know when addiction is present? Illnesses have a pattern of symptoms that professionals can recognize. With all addictions, a screening test or assessment instrument can usually indicate a pattern of addiction. 

At The Institute For Couples Counseling, we utilize screening assessments to assess presence of Sex Addiction. When addiction is present, the following criteria are easily identified: 
  1. Recurrent failure (pattern) to resist impulses to engage in specific sexual behavior

  2. Frequent engaging in those behaviors to a greater extent or over a longer period of time than intended

  3. Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to stop, reduce, or control those behaviors

  4. Inordinate amount of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experience

  5. Preoccupation with the behavior or preparatory activities

  6. Frequent engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic or social obligations

  7. Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the behavior

  8. Need to increase the intensity, frequency, number, or risk of behaviors to achieve the desired effect, or diminished effect with continued behaviors at the same level of intensity, frequency, number or risk

  9. Giving up or limiting social, occupational, or recreational activities because of the behavior

  10. Distress, anxiety, restlessness, or irritability if unable to engage in the behavior
How We Can Help

If you feel you or your partner are experiencing any of these conditions, please call me as I am one of the rare Couples Therapy Specialists who is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist trained directly by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. from the International Institute for Trauma Professionals.

Contact me at (818) 859-6766 or use my Contact Form to learn how I may be of assistance to you. 

10 Signs
YOUR RELATIONSHIP 
NEEDS HELP

Anger & Negativity
Reoccurring Arguments 
Cruel Fighting 
Retaliation 
Withdrawal 
 Built up Resentments 
Controlling Your Partner
Addiction Issues
 Loss of Trust
 Affairs & Infidelity
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